The Body Whispers Before It Screams

After years of sitting with people in therapy, there's one thing I've learned over and over again.

The body always knows.

Usually long before we consciously do.

One of the biggest things I pay attention to in session isn't actually what someone is saying.

It's what their body is saying.

Because people can tell me they're “fine” while every muscle in their body is reflecting a completely different story.

There’s a disconnect when I see that their shoulders are pulled up toward their ears, their jaw is clenched, their breathing is shallow, they report that their stomach has been hurting for months, and that they haven't slept through the night in weeks. They say how odd it is that they are finding themselves waking up regularly at 2, 3, 4 am.

They're exhausted, but they're pushing themselves through another day because that's what they've always done.

The body has a language.

Most of us were just never taught how to speak it.

One of the things I tell clients is that the body whispers before it screams.

Sometimes those whispers are so quiet we can almost miss them.

You're thirsty, but you ignore it.

You're hungry, but you keep working.

You're exhausted, but you make another cup of coffee.

You have to go to the bathroom, but you decide to answer just one more email first. 2 hours pass and oh yeah… the bathroom… that’s right…

I know these really don't seem like very big moments at all, but every one of them is an opportunity to either listen to yourself or override yourself.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Eventually those whispers get louder.

Maybe you wake up already feeling anxious, dreading the day before it even begins.

Maybe your stomach hurts so often you take antacids every few hours.

Maybe you can't remember the last time you actually felt truly calm. Maybe feeling calm or not having constant chaos around feels more uncomfortable than you’d like to admit.

Sometimes women tell me,

"I don't know why I feel this way."

And I'm curious about that.

Because most of the time, their body has been trying to tell them for years.

We've just gotten really good at not listening. We're taught to push through.

Keep going.

Don't be dramatic.

Work harder.

Take care of everyone else first. The kids need you. Your partner wants to talk (or not). Your boss needs another meeting with you. Your colleagues are upset. The projects are somehow all missing their deadlines. Everyone needs to circle back. The school has announced yet another Spirit Week and conference they need with you. You haven’t gone to get your haircut in so long you can’t remember when the last time was. The dentist is sending “We haven’t seen you in awhile” reminders. Everyone always needs something.

So we override our needs and what our bodies are asking for, and before we know it, years have passed of chronic overriding of our internal “check engine” lights going off.

Somewhere along the way, we begin believing that our body's needs are inconveniences instead of information because in those moments — they really are inconvenient!

That's when we slowly disconnect from ourselves.

People often think healing starts with changing your thoughts.

Sometimes it does.

But often it starts with something much simpler.

Just starting to pay attention.

Can you notice when you have an ache behind your eyes?

Can you notice where your body softens and with whom?

Can you notice the difference between feeling open and feeling constricted?

Can you sense a feeling of ease emerging?

Your body is constantly giving you information.

One of the smallest places I ask people to begin is with ordinary moments, and it just takes a bit of practice.

Are you tired? Consider taking the nap.

Are you hungry? Eat something.

Do you need water? Drink it.

Do you need to cry? Cry.

Could you let yourself?

Those moments might sound minor but they're not.

Every time you listen to your body, you're teaching yourself something.

You're telling yourself, “When you give me a message, I’ll listen.”

That builds trust. Self-trust.

I also think it's important to point out that not every sensation and not every tingle or twitch means something is psychologically wrong.

Sometimes anxiety and stress is 100% appropriate.

For example, living as a black, indigenous, person of color, as a woman, transgender or non-binary person in the United States, and having a certain level of un-ease while existing IS an appropriate reaction for our current state of affairs. 

So is if you're walking home alone at night...

your nervous system should be paying attention.

If you're living through uncertainty...

your nervous system should respond.

The goal isn't eliminate anxiety at all costs. Not by any means.

Your body is your friend, not your enemy. 

The goal is helping your nervous system know when it's safe, and helping you recognize when it isn't.

That's a different kind of discernment. A nuanced kind of knowing.

People sometimes come into therapy believing something is wrong with them because they're anxious or exhausted or overwhelmed.

Most of the time, I don't see it that way.

I see a body that's been trying to protect them. It’s been working hard and it’s been doing a vital job.

I see a nervous system that's been carrying far more than anyone realized.

I see someone who's spent years overriding themselves because that's what they learned they had to do.

Healing isn't about forcing your body to stop talking. It's about letting yourself listen.

It's about becoming curious instead of critical.

It's about asking,

"What is my body trying to tell me?"

instead of,

"What's wrong with me?"

There's a profound difference between those two questions.

One assumes you're broken.

The other assumes your body has been trying to help you all along.

Listening means allowing all your parts to have a seat on the bus, but it’s often more about not letting the scared or uncertain parts drive the bus. 

I like to say “none of the parts get kicked off the island.” They all get welcomed and loved and they all get a voice but, ideally – eventually – only the capital S Self gets to make the decisions. 

One of my favorite moments in therapy is when someone notices something before I do.

"My shoulders just relaxed."

"I didn't even realize I was holding my breath."

"My stomach doesn't hurt anymore."

"My body feels different."

Those moments matter.

Because healing doesn't only happen in your mind.

It happens in your body, too.

And your body has been trying to lead you back to yourself.

About Erin Linehan

Erin Linehan is a licensed professional counselor and founder of AS/WITHIN, a psychotherapy practice for women ready to come home to themselves. Using EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), nervous system regulation, and psychedelic-assisted therapy when appropriate, she helps women heal from trauma, anxiety, burnout, and life's major transitions. Erin's work is rooted in the belief that the body holds wisdom, healing happens through relationships, and lasting change comes when insight is paired with the body's own pace.

Ready to reconnect with yourself?

If you've been pushing through for years while your body has been trying to get your attention, therapy can help you begin listening in a different way.

Together, we'll go as fast as we can and as slow as we need to, helping you reconnect with the wisdom your body has been holding all along.

Schedule a consultation or email me directly at hello@returntowithin.com